We’re no better than Charlie Sheen. We watch him basking in his mega wealth with users publically snacking on his goods and act like it’s nothing we know, not true.  Charlie’s severe sense of entitlement is endemic of this society.  Don’t tell me you haven’t seen extreme self-love and ignorance with the people around you.  Just because he and his tightrope are higher off the ground, doesn’t mean his trip isn’t the same.

Charlie Sheen is a direct reflection to everyone in this society struggling with the addiction of grandeur, never owning up to responsibility.  While his camp bails and he stands alone choosing only the company of people who’ve made careers screwing others on the public stage, we feel a sense of relief and distance from the disaster. Don’t give yourself that out.  Use this as a reminder, no one is free from consequence – nothing can buy away the truth. Not even Hollywood can Technicolor Charlie’s fall.

This is not about him alone, this is about the false sense of human value this society celebrates.  We honor people for what they have, what they look like and then sit and watch while they drown in the shallow end thankful it’s not us.  This is not okay, it’s personal.  That ability to excuse Charlie because he seems to be an addict, is the same skill set we use to write off our own responsibility.  We need to hold each other and ourselves accountable.   Do your part. The world owes you nothing until you work to prove you deserve something.

This society needs an intervention.

No more excuses. Consider what you can do for yourself that you expect others to do and do it. Consider where you can take more responsibility and take it. And look for where you help to handicap others by stifling their independence and let go already.  Charlie Sheen is on the public stage for a reason.  Let’s not waste this lesson pretending we actually live ON Jersey Shore. 

Sheen said ‘Hope is for suckers.’ I disagree. Hope is for all of us that believe we can turn this thing around together.  Let’s cook this addiction of entitlement and get back to basics. 

Hopefully, Charlie will stick around to become the heroic story of someone springing back after reaching his bottom.  That would make watching this far less creepy.  Regardless, use this.  Take a look in the mirror. Take a long look, because the tight rope of entitlement snaps for everyone.  How far you fall is determined by how high you’re willing to walk.  Step off and stay grounded.

I get repeated questions about kicking Chrissy off, I hope this helps clarify…if you have more questions keep them coming…I’ll start posting video responses so we all stay on the same page…thanks for checking in…

It’s the irony of a koala hugger spewing brutality that makes domestic abuse a pop culture phenom this week. But it’s also caused a lot of confusion.  Here’s the rub…many feel that Mel’s berating language  isn’t really abuse, he’s just being pissy. I disagree, it’s abuse.

Abuse is the patterned behavior of manipulation.  Abusers are savvy, they give the world a gentle civilized version of their darkness.  And like darkness they let the abuse seep in and take over. The secret danger lies in that continued berating of the victim that ultimately kills the victim’s confidence. It can take a lifetime to recover the trust and self-esteem lost.

Clearly physical and emotional abuse don’t look the same, one leaves evidence. Sometimes victims are even grateful for a beating knowing there will be apologies and ‘loving’ statements after.  These are designed to keep the victim hopeful and sadly those tearful apologies and oversized gifts satisfy. That’s why emotional abuse is so dangerous. It is a battle of control from people already unequal in the relationship.

Just look at Mel. He has Hollywood to cover his mistakes give him new parts to play.  He’s got expensive lawyers.  He’s got magazine covers, and he’s got an accent. Oksana can be tossed to the side.  No one knew her – no one is vested.  She was just another woman in the trail of a Hollywood actor.  She can easily be discredited, except if you listen. Listen to the raging demeaning statements. That is abuse.

Have you heard it before? Have you felt unsafe?  Do you now? If so, it’s not your job to change an abuser, it’s your job to get the hell out.…not even Hollywood can turn abuse into a happy ending.

She doesn’t need one more person using her celebrity to establish their own, she has ‘friends’ for that. Yes, Lindsay needs to take responsibility, but this is excessive.  More than anything she needs help.  Have some compassion.

At 3 years-old Lindsay was tossed into an adult world that cultivates and then uses fame addicts. And she’s been used, and we’ve all sat back and watched, but there is no one more guilty than her inner circle.  Someone should’ve shut her destructive and erratic behavior down a long time ago.

But, clearly those staffed enablers did nothing but collect a check and whore Lindsay’s struggles out for their own hits of fame.  Michael Lohan bled his daughter’s struggles to Maury, TMZ, Twitter and any other outlet that would listen. And what about her management team?  The Linda Lovelace project, really? A starlet who’s been exploited for her sexuality and drug use – to play a drugged up porn star. Who signed off on that?

And now we’ll be throwing a dependent young woman into a 4×4 where she’ll learn nothing more than she can’t be alone.  She knows that. She wouldn’t be needing to medicate her life if she didn’t. We’re punishing the wrong person.  Get Lindsay help and straighten up the users around her so she has a chance when she gets clean.

Besides isn’t it the pimp who’s supposed to get the jail time? Or is Michael Lohan too busy on his media tour to take accountability for that role too?

The bartender was looking at me funny. When he got my name he made a connection.

“Yea, you do that ‘You’re Cut Off’ show!” He barely could contain his excitement.

He knew quotes from the girls, shared insights, questions and then with the subtlty of Tiger Woods passing a strip joint, he stopped.  Suddenly he started babbling excuses – his girlfriend had it on, he doesn’t watch that stuff usually, he’s into sports…ya know dude stuff.

I interrupted his awkwardness with my own, ‘I’m wearing a ball cap.’  Relieved, he started talking baseball with me.  I didn’t know how to tell him I just like the uniforms.

Yesterday the Chicago Sun-Times published an article about ‘You’re Cut Off.’. They gave us the front page banner and thrust of a special insert.

The paper was nearly sold-out throughout the city because our Hawks won the Stanley Cup and  they covered it huge. My mom was able to find one from a vendor who had to manually add the special insert to the rest of the paper.

‘Oh good,’ my mom thanked,  ’I wanted to get this, that’s my daughter.’

She told me the story quickly as an aside. But I heard her slowly.

‘That’s my daughter.’

I’m still melting.

I recently visited an advocacy center specializing in the treatment and support of abused children and their families. It was inspiring. We walked by a playroom where children go to play in-between interviews by authorities. And these children, who endured so much, still allowed themselves to let go and play.

A testament to the center absolutely…and a testament to the endurance of these children who allow joy. Consider how many times have we walked in our own lives never allowing ourselves to come back to that place of simplicity?

The center also has a donated outdoor garden centered in the middle of the building like a Spanish courtyard.  Many of the children arriving haven’t had the opportunity to sit and really connect with nature. Consider that.  Imagine being in a constant concrete war that you cannot stop. No place to go.  And for many of these children, that is their reality. They do not have a choice.

But when given the opportunity, they thrive.

When introduced to nature they sit with it, ask questions about it, go to it.  They do not say no they aren’t deserving.  They do not make an excuse they have never seen this environment before, so they don’t enter.

They do enter. Not as victims, but as children looking for something peaceful. They flood to the garden and let go of pain, even for a moment. Take heed.

Let those brave children be your motivation and let go.  Let go of the power you have given to someone else, let go of your self-defeating thoughts, let go of what your past seems to have written.

Walk into your own garden.  Find the brightest colors.  Find your peace.  And play.

In his calculated unnatural, ‘look at the camera here’ mea culpa today – Tiger Woods proved he’s better off staying quiet and swinging his club.  His mom sat in the front row with her arms crossed and head down for much of his monologue. I agree mom.

His apology was as sincere as his marriage. He said he wouldn’t discuss if he and Elin were together or not, but continually referred to her as his wife.  He talked about his educational foundation, how it’s helped ‘millions of children’ – and said he’s still dedicated to make sure that continues. Continues, how?  He was effective before by getting his ego off seducing and using women. Now what’s he going to do to… …play golf?  Please that’s his side job. Most precious was his comment how he nobly kept his wife and kids separate from endorsements and business dealings. Obviously, like his entire family could fit in one queen sized bed.

In the end, give the guy props for saying I’m sorry. But to end the press conference with an extended hug with his mom says one thing.  He’s still willing to use any woman around him.

I’ve gotten flooded with emails from women concerned their husbands are cheating…oh Jesse James you’re so inspiring.  Ever since these ladies saw you give up high-class goods for a woman comfortable licking swastikas and someone else’s husband, they’re a bit fearful.  Fair.

It’s the threat of their husband wanting something alternative and something they can’t potentially offer that scares them most.

Does that feel familar to you? If so, get in there. Take ownership of your relationship and find out. Allow yourself to be more creative. Chances are your man has a fantasy you don’t know about.  And chances are you can find it and fill it, minus a forehead tattoo…unless you look cute in bangs…

She is 12 years old and desperately waiting for me in the corner of a Starbucks chewing her nails.  I walk in, she launches into me hugging me from the seat.  It’s wonderful. She’s going thru all of that young drama. I try to explain it’s all okay, she’ll get through it.

The cruelty of 12 can linger long into adulthood…

We have hopeful conversation; she tries my chai latte and loves it.  She is open, and free, and supportive, and stressed, and sad, and ready to cry at any moment, and I understand. I have been there too.

I help run several volunteer groups, she volunteers with one. Her mom saw me do a speech on community outreach and came up to me after to request her daughter volunteer with me.  As it turns out, we are connected souls. She reminds me so much of little me. I don’t know exactly what lessons I learn from her, but I certainly don’t feel like the only gift giver in this odd pairing.

She describes her life as in a fog.  That she is meant for something more, greater.  I understand, I just test shot for VH1. It felt right and a great opportunity to make a difference. But, will it feel right to them? Will they see me?  I told her about the project.  She almost fainted and immediately asked if I have any connections to the Beiber. I asked her to slow down and honor the fact it was just one part of the process.  We could only celebrate that. She seemed to understand.

Then, after pausing to take the final sip of her chai, she looked at me defiantly and said “I know I’m not supposed to be talking about the future, it’s just that I believe in you, Laura.” And somehow coming from this little 12 year old, it all seemed affirming and true.  A little girl who could barely see in front of her own life, sees the potential magic in mine.

I have been there too.  I remember.